You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
