I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
