i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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