i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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