He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Vodka?
Forever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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