Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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