the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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