Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
