I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
