I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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