Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
