Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
