I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
