We got so high we made milksteak
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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