You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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