They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
