Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
