the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
