Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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