I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
