So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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