we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
