you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
