Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
