I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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