Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Buhtt sex?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
