True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have aggressive nipples.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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