Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize