Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
