You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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