she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
