It's a beautiful day for a hangover
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
