no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
