No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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