Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
