Pants 0. Shit 1.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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