I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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