You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
