If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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