I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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