And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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