We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
