Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
