....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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