just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
