I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
