and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
