3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
