It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
