I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
