so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
