I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
