i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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