some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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