Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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