Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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