i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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