If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
