Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
