the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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