It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize