I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
