Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
