I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
