Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
