I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
