Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
