They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
