Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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