I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
