i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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