There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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