Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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