We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
