She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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