Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
