Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
