I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
