But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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