Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
