Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
either way he was missing a nipple.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
