Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
