the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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