So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
