You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
