I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
