Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
