I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
