I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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