Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
