So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
