i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
