I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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