Acid is not a monday night drug
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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