upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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