i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize